The most offensive word in the English language, part 2

I was at an internet discussion board the other day when I noticed that somebody had an attitude problem.  He seemed determined to argue, and I realized that he was overusing one particular word, and that was what made his posts so offensive.  In fact, about one out of six words was the word in question.  I'll bet you think you know what this word is, but you're probably wrong.  In fact, it's a word I used three times in the last sentence, and I may have already offended you by using it.  It was in that sentence, too.  Did you find it?  There. I did it again.

Any competent marriage counselor or expert on How To Be A More Effective Parent or teacher will tell you (I've got to stop doing that!) that one can avoid conflict and increase cooperation by making "I statements" and not "YOU statements" in sensitive conversations.  See http://www.fabermazlish.com/.  When people throw you around too much, especially at the beginning of a sentence, as in "You always..." and "You never..." and "You think..." and "You just want to..." and "You're trying to..." instead of speaking about what they know, others will see themselves as being accused or attacked, and they'll get defensive or angry at you.  

Since we as parents set an example for our children and model the habits they'll learn as they grow up,  it's not a bad idea to break the "YOU! YOU! YOU!" habit, if we have it, as soon as possible.  Not only can it keep our children out of unpleasant confrontations with strangers, but it can help them learn to communicate in personal situations with friends and family in a mature and constructive manner, especially in handling sensitive issues.  A useful template for a talking about a problem, instead of provoking other people's anger, is 

"I feel [name of emotion] when [describe situation] and I would like [specify the change you'd like to see]."    

Children who learn such communication skills from their parents are more likely to use them with other people, including their parents, and avoid offending those people, especially their parents.

The most offensive word in the English language

There's an English word so offensive that people stopped using it hundreds of years ago, and the last time people tried saying it to the wrong people, they were burned at the stake for it.  Or  if they got a more merciful judge, they simply got thrown in jail or had their tongues cut out.  It's so offensive and so strictly taboo that many people don't even know what the word really means.  It's so offensive that it's best to avoid using even the polite substitute or a foreign translation.  Or a foreign translation of the polite substitute.  In other words, it's not the word itself that's the problem, but the idea behind the word, in any language.

First let's consider the English word itself, and next we'll consider polite substitutes and why even those are best avoided.  Are you ready for the word yet?  

That's the word.  

Now somebody reading this is probably thinking, "Is she crazy?  What's rude about that word? It's in the Bible, for #$%&'s sake!"  As if everything in the Bible were morally pure and G-rated.  Some of us in one of my on-line English majors and literature lovers groups had a discussion about this issue a few years back, and somebody even said she was once criticized in church for praying with the word "you" instead of "thou" because, according to the criticizer's opinion, "thou" is more respectful than "you."  
Whatever my friend's critic's knowledge of the Bible may be, his understanding of English grammar has some weaknesses.  Why the King James Bible and some prayerbooks use the singular form is a question for another day.  

Once upon a time, every language, including English, had two classes of pronouns for the second person.  Spanish even has three.  Now English is the only language that uses only one set of second person pronouns  Thou was a singular pronoun, the old English equivalent of the French, Italian, Latin, Romanian, or Spanish tu, the German, Danish, Swedish, or Norwegian du, the Icelandic þú, the Polish, Czech, and Slovak ty, the Russian ты, the Bulgarian and Macedonian ти, the Greek σύ, the Hebrew אתה, and the Arabic أنت, which people in all those other languages use to address a close acquaintance or social equal.  You is actually a plural form, the English equivalent of vous, vosotros, vos, vobis, voi, Sie, wy, вы, אתם, etc., which, in every language but English, people use for more than one person or for strangers or people to whom they need to show respect.  People who still want a separate plural pronoun have settled on you-all or youse.  

 If anyone still needs convincing, just consider that other famous English writer active around the time the change happened, William Shakespeare.  Consider how many people Juliet was addressing  when she said:

Just one Romeo.  Actually, it wasn't even that many people, because technically, she was thinking aloud to herself, and she didn't realize he was there under her balcony listening to her.  Now consider how many people Mark Antony was addressing when he said:

 A whole forum full of Romans.