Now for something completely disgusting . . .

Today we're going to have a word about household repairs.  Depending on their ages, you might want to teach your children how to do this, at least step 1. I learned about it from a kitchen and bath remodeling expert who thought I might want to save money by doing repairs myself instead of calling a plumber.  I liked his suggestion, because it was consistent with my philosophy that you should NEVER SEND CHEMISTRY TO DO A JOB THAT CAN BE DONE BY SIMPLE PHYSICS.

If you have a clogged toilet or a slow drain, and the standard equipment you keep around the house doesn't immediately solve the problem, try this simple three step solution.  Note that it only works on standard clog substances like soap scum or, um, digestive waste, not on hair, feminine hygiene products, or LEGOS®.

1.  Close the shut-off valve by tightening it all the way.  If you don't know what that is, look for a slender pipe that goes into the toilet tank.  It should have a turn-y faucet-y looking thing on it, like this:

Turn the faucet-y looking thing all the way to the right (lefty loosy, righty tighty!).  This will shut off the water supply to the toilet tank so the tank won't refill and the bowl won't overflow when you try flushing.  Because the tank will empty.  Because you flushed, get it?  If your toilet doesn't have its own shut-off valve, you may have to shut off the water supply to the house or apartment.  If you don't know where that shut-off valve is, ask your landlord or apartment manager.  If you are the landlord and you still don't know where the shut-off is, make sure you have a supply of towels at the ready.  Note:  if the clog is in the sink or bathtub drain, you can skip this step.  Lucky you.  But not really.

2.  Fill a tea kettle and bring the water to a full boil.  Pour the boiling water down the drain, trying to get as much of it as possible directly on the clog.  Wait a while.  If you don't much care for the aroma of um, err, poached toilet clogs, then lower the lid, close the bathroom door, and wait elsewhere.

3.  Follow through with the standard equipment you keep around the house.  Note:  if the clog is in the sink or bathtub drain, you might be able to skip this step.

To avoid grossing yourself out, it's not a bad idea to invest in a second (or third?) plunger just for sink or bathtub drains if you can afford to do so.