Raising Likable People

My friend Rona Kader Wolfe, one of the most perfect parents I know, posted something on her facebook page yesterday that brilliantly sums up much of what I've been thinking about recently.  Her little daughter Sadie asked her, 
"Mom, why do some people grow up to be so mean?" 
Rona- "Maybe because no one let them be happy when they were little. When you don't know how to be happy with yourself, you don't know how to like others." 
Sadie- "Oh, if that's the case when I grow up I guess I'm gonna love everybody!"


I doubt that anyone deliberately sets out to abuse children.  However, I know parents who think it's good to be "tough" with a child in the name of "discipline."  Before Dr. Benjamin Spock, the "experts" counseled mothers not to cuddle and comfort their babies too much, because it would spoil them.  It wasn't considered healthy to kiss little children, because they might get germs.  They said it was "unscientific" to show children too much love, even psychologically damaging.  I still know people who say suffering is good for the soul.  What doesn't kill them will make them stronger.  Unfortunately, what doesn't make them stronger might just kill them.   Yes, they do need to learn that there is cruelty and injustice in this world, but they shouldn't feel beaten down by it and develop full-time despair.   


Children will have plenty of time when they're older to develop strength and independence, but before they can do that, they need to develop a sense that they are loved and secure and that a good life is possible within their families, if not in the world at large.